Toni Vines - The newest member of the band, this veteran of the blues guitar was hijacked by pirates and delivered to the Back Porch rehearsal room in a brown paper parcel. Sadly, he remained there for several weeks as the band rarely rehearses at all. The gag and hood have been removed, but given his cannibalistic tendencies he remains bound and shackled at all times both in order to prevent his escape from the band and for the protection of the front two rows of the audience.

The Harpman - With a lung capacity of over 2,000 litres this man is capable of breathing in for 3-4 months without the need to exhale. His many feats include an entry in the Guinness Book of Records as the world's most flatulent man as well as three gold medals at the European sleeping championships. Having developed a unique approach to the blues harp (burping through it while wiggling a few fingers) his form appears entirely human, but there are members of the British scientific community who continue to maintain that he is technically a fungus,

Jonny Miller - A true legend of the 6-string guitar, Jon is the son of Australia's finest concert pianist. Bizarrely, DNA testing has recently proved that the entire band were born of the same mother and, despite contradictory evidence produced by other aggrieved parents, all 4 members of the band continue to revere the great Sheeela Miller as "Band Mum". Living in the swamplands of Essex and surviving on a diet of white wine and soda, Jon continues a semi-nocturnal lifestyle and of course drives an Audi.

Mike Rushmore - Half Canadian and half Adnams, this strange creature was born in Essex, but has taken the brave step of moving to the northern wasteland known as Norfolk. Renowned for wearing a chef's uniform at all times and a compulsion to wear sunglasses regardless of the prevailing climatic conditions, Mike's musical talent has remained confined almost entirely to his right foot, this being used not only to control a steam powered bass drum, but also as a conduit for several steel thimbles and miscellaneous percussion accessories previously known only to the inner circle of the wise wizards of the Suffolk Morris.